Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Here's the thing about my dryer. It really doesn't work that well, but works just well enough to get me to keep it around. It also seems to eat socks. Not all socks, mind you, but just one out of each pair. For a while I thought I could outsmart the dryer by putting all of my sad little singleton socks on top of the dryer and waiting for it to spit out the other one at a later date, like a mama bird regurgitating food for it's young. However, the dryer has held on to those mis-matched socks like Sami Brady holds on to a grudge (sorry-I feel really lousy tonight). So, in honor of my hungry dryer, I give you this...
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
I went to my fridge and pulled out my bag of Wright Brand Bacon (honestly the best bacon in the world) and made this amazing mac and cheese.
Cheesy Bacon-y Mac and Cheese in the Crock Pot
1 Box of Pasta (I used Rotini because I live dangerously)
12 oz can of evaporated milk
1 1/2 cups of milk
2 beaten eggs
4 cups of shredded cheese
Spray down your crock pot with Pam or some similar spray. Layer your bacon in the bottom of your crock pot (I used 5 pieces). Add a small layer of shredded cheese. Add in 1/2 of the pasta. Add another small layer of cheese. Add the rest of the pasta.
In a bowl, beat together your eggs and add the evaporated milk, regular milk, mix together and then pour over the pasta. Add the rest of the cheese. Do you see where this is going? Add a few more strips of bacon over the top of the cheese. Why the Hell not? If you want your bacon on the top crispy, I would recommend cooking it first. I also added some bread crumbs to give it a breaded top.
Cook on High for 2 hrs., then low for another hour or so to make sure the bacon on the bottom is fully cooked. Make sure you reward yourself for such a good job done with a nice tall glass of boxed wine.
This recipe is so amazing-my family LOVED it! The pasta was delicious, the sauce was so amazing and the bacon gave every bite a little bacony goodness. This is a great meal for a cold day, when you just need your food to go "thud." Comfort food at it's best. It's also a great meal for any other day because, you know, bacon.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Here's the truth about the Elf on the Shelf. After a few weeks of nightly Elf moving, I have to say, I LOVE this tradition. My kids love the elf. I love watching them find her every morning. Every day, they give me a full report of exactly how they think she got to the spots she's in. Every day they get to experience a little more magic. We will keep the elf.
However, our elf has not done the following: made messes, drawn on pictures, or done anything else that my decidedly free spirited and very naughty youngest would see and think "Great idea!" She has been involved in a 3-way with a dirty Koala and St. Nick, (It was a brief tryst and the children didn't see the debauchery), she has been caught scaling the christmas lights by the pass-through, she's visited many parts of the house but she still creeps me out! I'm not sure if I'll ever get over this, but one thing is for sure: the Elf is staying and will be back again next Christmas-maybe with a friend. What has happened to me?
Friday, November 30, 2012
I gave in to the Elf On A Shelf phenomenon. I know, I'm not sure what I was thinking, either! Perhaps it was because the little bastard was on sale, for over 1/2 off with free shipping. (Oh, that got you, too? It was at Barnesandnoble.com), or maybe it was because it seems like everyone else has those stupid little elves and my kids are feeing left out because I'm too lazy, or maybe it's just because that thing is just so damn creepy and cute at the same time and that makes me feel weird inside.
Seriously, look at that thing. How can something so evil looking make me want to tickle it's little tummy and kiss it's forehead? What is wrong with me?
So, if you look around the mommy blogs and especially Pinterest you'll see thousands of pictures of these evil looking little troublemakers perched around kitchens and living rooms. Our elf will not make messes. Our elf will probably be interesting for a few weeks then will be forgotten about until next year when I try, in vain, to create some goddamn holiday memories with my children by trying to convince them that an inanimate object that spies on them all day, comes to life at night, parties in our living room, journeys to the North Pole and back to tell an elderly creeper if they are nice or naughty so that he will break into our house and bring them presents in a couple of weeks... Good Lord, what have I done?
(If you don't hear from me before Christmas, it means the children and the Elf have joined forces. Send help!)
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
So, as I have been through the 5 stages of election grief myself, I wanted to offer you some compassion but I can't because you are driving me FUCKING CRAZY. You are out of control with your ranting and raving. You are posting shit all over Facebook that is making you look like a lunatic (actually, keep that up, it makes me laugh)
He is not a socialist. He is a moderate. A MODERATE! What is your problem with moderation? The definition of the word moderate is:
mod·er·ate[mod-er-it, mod-rit; mod-uh-reyt] Show IPA adjective, noun, verb, mod·er·at·ed, mod·er·at·ing.
These are reasons why you should tone your crazy ass down:
He has expanded on the Patriot Act, he didn't close Gitmo. He has been a friend to the banks, has basically brought RomneyCare (He was your nominee, remember?) to the national stage (Compare the two here. Those are things that make me sad, mad and generally not happy. However, he has out Bush'd Bush! That should make you very, very happy!
Here are the reasons why we like him:
He has finally spoken out and is willing to fight for some of the things that effect all of us (a woman's right to choose, the right to health insurance for all, equal pay, equal rights, and more! Those all seem like very reasonable things to me, but, then again, I am a crazy crazy liberal.
So I'll end with a prediction of what the next four years are going to be like. Just like the last 12, but hopefully with a little more social justice. You will deal with it. We dealt with Bush. Just relax.
|Sorry, can't help it. I'm kind of a jerk.|
Stage 1: Disbelief. You know that the liberal/conservative/media in general called the election too early. The results aren't valid! Tomorrow you'll wake up to news stories saying that everything was wrong last night and everything will be fine.
Stage 2: Horrible, horrible, heartwrenching sadness. Everything you ever wanted is gone now. Life is over. Your future is a horrible, dark, nightmarish hellscape of socialism and gayness everywhere. Just everywhere.
Stage 3: Acceptance/pity for the poor bastards, those poor stupid bastards who voted for the wrong guy even though it was against their best interests. Don't worry, we thought the same thing about you in 2000 and 2004. We even thought it about you this time. I know, we'll agree to disagree.
Stage 4: Furious VENGEANCE and ANGER! You just want to FIGHT all of the stupid bastards that you just took 30 seconds to feel sorry for. You hate them. You hate their guts. You want to post all over Facebook about how stupid they are with smug things to make them feel bad. Spoiler alert-these things make you look crazy but they sure are entertaining to everyone else.
Stage 5: I don't know...I never made it past Stage 3 but from the news I guess its secession? I don't know. I think Stage Five should just be Get the Fuck Over It.
We good? Let's move on.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
According to Baby Center, there are at least 12 reasons why babies cry:
- 1. Hunger
- 2. A dirty diaper
- 3. Needs sleep
- 4. Wants to be held
- 5. Tummy troubles (gas, colic, and more)
- 6. Needs to burp
- 7. Too cold or too hot
- 8. Something small
- 9. Teething
- 10. Wants less stimulation
- 11. Wants more stimulation
- 12. Not feeling well
- What to do if your baby's still crying
So, let's talk about babies crying, okay? This is one thing that makes me crazy, and I'm going to rant alllll over you right now.
|Do you smell it? Soak it in, baby!|
Let's talk about this bullshit statement "It's not my parenting choice to let my baby Cry It Out." Do you want to know why this is bullshit? Because it is, pure and simple. People who say that have a warped idea of what/why babies cry and what exactly Cry It Out means. Babies cry. They fuss, they cry, eventually they start to smile, laugh and talk, but at first they just cry, poop and sleep. You can choose to never let your baby cry, but you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you do. I have heard this statement from multiple first-time parents, and they all make me crazy when I hear it.
First of all, babies cry sometimes to communicate with you. Do you know what your baby is saying when it is crying because he/she is hungry? The baby is saying "Hey, it's been 2.5 seconds since I stopped eating/you sat down/you started to shower/poop/etc. and I'm HUNGRY!" That is communication. P.S. You want them to learn to communicate with you if you ever want them to talk. I understand if you don't want them to learn to talk, I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old, but it's probably not the best plan for them to get ahead in life.
|Does this picture stress you out as much as it does me? If so, you're a parent!|
Babies also cry to burn off energy. The youngest ones, especially, all have working brains, and ideas about what they want to do. They are trapped in a body that won't move the way they want it to/they can't figure out how to make it do what they want it too. They can't talk to you. They can't get what they want by themselves. They have energy to burn. They are frustrated. They cry. Or, maybe they are trying to get to sleep or who knows! If you have fed them, changed their diaper, held them, rocked them, and they are in a safe place, it's okay to let them cry for a while while you take some time to get yourself together.
|Not a safe place to leave your baby while you get yourself together.|
Trust me, you will need to get yourself together sometimes. Sometimes that overwhelming feeling of being responsible for a new life, the sound of your baby crying when you don't know what to do to fix it, the knowledge that you have tried everything and the idea that you can't control this situation is just too much. You need to take a time out and if the baby has to cry for 5 or 10 minutes, so be it. Forgive yourself. You are going to be a much better mother if you let yourself relax, enjoy your baby, and don't constantly hold yourself up to unrealistic expectations.
Finally, there seems to be this idea out there that Cry It Out means letting your baby cry until they pass out or die or forever or something. That is simply not true.
This is what it actually means:
You can read more here.
What exactly is the Ferber method?In a nutshell, Ferber says you can teach your baby to soothe himself to sleep when he's physically and emotionally ready, usually sometime between 3 and 5 months of age.
He recommends following a warm, loving bedtime routine and then putting your baby in bed awake and leaving him (even if he cries) for gradually longer periods of time. Putting a child to bed awake, says Ferber, is crucial to successfully teaching him to go to sleep on his own.
Parents are instructed to pat and comfort their baby after each predetermined period of time, but not to pick up or feed their baby. This routine is called "progressive waiting."
The suggested waiting time, which Ferber charts in his book, is based on how comfortable you are with the technique, how many days you've been using it, and how many times you've already checked on your child that night.
After a few days to a week of gradually increasing the waiting time, the theory goes, most babies learn to fall asleep on their own, having discovered that crying earns nothing more than a brief check from you.
That is probably not so much different than you are already doing, and it doesn't seem nearly as controversial as it is made out to be. We all, as parents, have to work on building our children into independent adults, and that includes being able to fall asleep. Do you want to know how long I made it the first time I tried to let my daughter cry? About 30 seconds. She was fine. Do you know how long it took her to "learn" to fall asleep on her own when laid down awake? About a week or so. We were consistent with routine, kept her physically and intellectually active, and had set bed times. It was hard work, but to this day, both of my children are excellent sleepers, are able to self-soothe, and happy and well-adjusted children. They have formed secure attachments to us, they have friends, and are functional kids. They are independent and have a strong sense of self.
We will all argue and fight for our children, views, etc. but at the end of the day we will all do what is best for our children. We will all be the best parents we can be. We will love our kids, make some mistakes, and hope that they forgive us some day. That's all fine, and hopefully some day we moms can stop fighting each other about who is right and wrong, and forgive ourselves for being who we are.