1st Time Mom Vs. 2nd Time Mom

I have two daughters. They were singletons and have had very different babyhoods so far. Olivia was my first, she was a planned surprise (planned and then discovered after we had decided to stop trying for a baby) and Maya was completely planned. They are three and a half years apart and so far seem to be best friends.

There are some surprising differences in my experiences being a mom the first time around.

The First Time:

Everything had to be PERFECT! This was my baby, and she would lack for nothing. Nothing could be more important than having the pack and play match the pattern on the stroller and car seat. Except, of course, that everything had to be new. I remember the horror I felt at the idea of putting used clothes on my princess.

Everything had to be by-the-book. There was no compromise when it came to developmental toys, foods, breast or bottle fed and if I attempted to deviate at all I terrorized myself with ridiculous guilt trips.

I was convinced that I was not going to be able to keep her alive. That poor child was poked and prodded so many times during naps and night sleeping to ease my mind.

I spent hours agonizing over her development, my role in any delays and how to "help" her. The fact that our pediatrician, my co-workers at early intervention, my husband, our parents and everyone else said that she was developing fine meant nothing to me. What did they know? They weren't her mother!

The second time around has been very different.

This time there is more pressure to be fair to both of them and ensure that I am giving them enough time. Maya (baby #2) shows signs of being even more easy going than Olivia was, and smiles and laughs at everything!

This time I have them sharing a room so having Maya wake up in the night is more than just an inconvenience-it is a catastrophe! Once one was up, the other is, too and it is all I was able to do to get through that stage.

With Olivia, I agonized over the decision to supplement her with formula while primarily feeding her breast milk. With Maya, I made that decision with little to no hesitation. I actually was easier able to nurse Maya but I didn't have the patience for it. She was nursing non stop and I didn't have the ability to pump extra for bottle feedings.

This time, I am actually able to enjoy her milestones rather than always waiting for the next one to come up. I have more faith in our parenting and our knowledge of child development and I am confident that we are on the right path.

I keep thinking that having one was great, and it really was, but two are even better!