Mom Jeans

Mom Jeans!  I can barely think the words without serious pain coursing through my body.  Yet, here I sit, realizing that I now know the reason that Mom Jeans are so prevalent.

1.  After you have children, your body is forever changed.  That is the truth.  Especially if you have had a c-section and didn't have the luxury of getting a tummy tuck at the same time!  When you have a c-section, the doctor basically cuts through any remaining abdominal muscles you may have, rummages around inside your uterus and pulls out a baby.  Now you have your miracle but you also have a numb stomach for the rest of your life!  A little extra, by the way, is that if you are not super skinny you end up with a neat little flap of skin that never really fits right with any clothing.    If you don't have a c-section and you lose the baby weight you end up with loose, crepe-y skin over your stomach.  After I had my girls I lived in my post-op girdle because I felt like I had a waist line again!
2.  Jeans make you choose: show your crack or be comfortable.   I suppose that this could go with the section above but what the heck.  It looks better to have points of interest.  I have one pair of jeans that fit well (they are a boot cut, low rise jean that are so comfortable) but they are too big in the waist/hips so whenever I am on the floor i.e. most of the day between playing and cleaning up, my pants are down well below the  crack.  I have a few tricks such as long sweaters, long shirts, scooting back against the wall, etc. but eventually I end the fight.  I can't spend all day covering my "line" as Olivia says (as in, "Mommy, I see your line!")  Mom jeans would end this problem by covering that area and sitting snugly around my waist.  My other jeans are a slightly higher rise and fit better in the waist/hips but are really snug around the thighs.  That is not a comfortable situation but I tend to wear those if we're going for a play date or someone's coming over here so that not all of my assets are exposed.
3. Boobs + Low Rise Jeans +Belly Flab =  constant shirt adjustment.  Need I say more?  I think all the ladies with D cups or above understand what I'm talking about.  It's a bad scene.   Add a v-neck shirt to the equation and you are constantly pulling the bottom of your shirt down and the top up.  

So, will I switch to mom jeans?  Not on your life.  Until I find a pair of jeans that will stay put and still look good I will just continue to struggle with the issue of plumber's crack.  Hey, here's an idea.  It is said that if you name a problem you take power over it.  What say you we rename Plumber's Crack to "Mom's Crevasse," or something similar?   Name it and claim it!