Learning from the Children

My daughters are tightly coiled balls of ever increasing energy.  My eldest daughter does not just get out of bed in the morning (or stumble, flailing until I find my glasses, swearing at the sun for rising, my dog for getting in my way, the coffee for not already being made, etc.).  No.  She wakes up in the morning, leaps to the end of her bed, jumps from her bed to the floor, and skips...skips!  down stairs.  She skips every where.  She skips all day long.  She skips to the bathroom, she skips to the kitchen to get a yogurt, she skips or runs but hardly ever walks.

My husband and I were discussing this the other day.  We noticed that her first choice is to always skip between tasks. We both watched her skip into the bathroom and as she left the room, we were both smiling and laughing.  Watching her skipping brought us joy!  We both remarked that we wished that our first thought was to always skip-instead of plodding along as it seems some days.

Our youngest does not just wake up, either.  If, by chance, we have to wake her up she doesn't roll over and groggily greet us with a smile.  She lies on her stomach, flapping and clapping and slapping her feet and hands on her mattress until she springs up, grabs onto the bars of her crib, and jumps up and down.  This whole sequence takes about 5 seconds.  She is ready for action as soon as her eyes open.  She is full of joy and thrilled to greet the day.

Both of my daughters are excited to get on with the next thing, but they are also so happy to be in that moment that they make us happy to be a part of that moment.  They have helped us to find joy in mundane moments and, quite often, cause us to stop, take a look around, and be happy for simple moments. 
I'm not going to pretend that I can alter my bad attitude upon waking up.  I don't know if I am willing to work on that part of me when there are so many other facets of me that need work (such as the part of me that follows through with things, the part of me that cleans the bathroom more often, or the part of me that can focus on things for more than 10 minutes).  However, I am willing to take a little more time and be thankful for small moments of joy and peace and be looking for opportunities to recognize those two things.  Hopefully, in the future, my daughters will remember me as a fun mom whose moments of joy outnumbered the moments of grouchy, flailing anger. 

I feel Gram Moving in the Box...Discussing Death with my Daughter

This post is dedicated to Marie Hoover, a wonderful lady and my Husband's grandmother.

It was the summer, and my husband's grandmother was dying. She had been slowly declining for a few years, first her vision, then her physical abilities, and then she was declining mentally. She had in-home supports and then she fell.

When a neighbor came over to see what had happened, it is reported that Marie, in good spirits, looked up and jokingly said "I've fallen and I can't get up!" We found out shortly that she had broken her hip and the prognosis was grim at best.

We had discussed Gram's health issues with Olivia before, but not at great length because she is 4 and we didn't want to scare her. This was different. Gram had pulled out her IV at the hospital and was being transferred to a nursing home to pass on. She had decided that it was her time. How on earth were we going to explain this to Olivia?

I had been a social worker in my past life and had learned that there were a few things that we didn't want to do. We didn't want to tell her that Gram was going to "go to sleep" and we wouldn't see her any more because then she could be afraid to go to sleep. We didn't want to tell her anything that would cause her to be scared but weren't sure how to approach the subject.

I decided to tell her that Gram's body didn't work so well any more because she was very old and she was almost done with it. I told her what we believe about people having a spirit and when you are done with your body your spirit moves out and leaves the body behind. Once that happens, the body stops breathing, the heart stops and then the body dies. She accepted that and we talked a little bit about where the spirit might go. We decided that maybe it hangs around to check in on us but it probably has other places to be and we'll find that out some day.

So, we have the death settled and Olivia didn't seem too upset by that, she was just sad that she wouldn't see Gram any more. We went and said good bye to Gram at the Nursing home and waited for the news.

The funeral was a few days later. As we were driving to the cemetary I gave Olivia a quick run-down of what she was going to see. I had no idea what I was going to say. It went something like this:

Me: So, you know how we talked about Gram being done with her body and how her body died?

Olivia: Yeah. Gram's dead. I miss her.

Me: Well, today we're going to a funeral. That is where they take the body that isn't needed any more and it will be in a box. Then the men are going to put the box in the ground and bury it. Gram is not in there any more, though, she is probably flying around like an angel, we just can't see her any more.

Olivia: Oh, will she be moving in the box?

Me: No, Gram's body doesn't move any more.

Olivia: Oh.

Me: Most of the people will be sad because it is sad to say goodbye to someone you love, and a lot of people loved her very much.

Olivia: Yeah.

Once we reached the cemetary Olivia saw the coffin.

Olivia: Oh, there is Gram in the box!

Me: Yeah, there it is (I didn't know what to expect at this point).

Olivia: So, when are they going to put the box in the ground?

Olivia went up to the casket with her dad to say goodbye to Gram. She kneeled down next to the coffin, put her hands on top and looked up at my husband. In a very serious whisper she said "Daddy, Gram's in this box and I feel her moving around."

She did very well at the funeral and I guess that we didn't scare her with the death talk because she is able to talk about Gram, death and funerals and not be upset.

As an aside, as I wrote Gram's name the last time, one of our daughter's toys randomly started playing "Jimmy Crack Corn." Did I mention that Marie had a great sense of humor?