A Haunting Tale. 5 Reasons Why I'm A Ghost Haunting My Children

I have come to the realization that I am a ghost haunting my children.   There is an overwhelming amount of evidence to support this claim, and that is what I intend to do.  I think that you will find that you are also a ghost.

1.  My children often speak to me in general but cannot hear my replies, or,when I speak to them, they can't hear me at all.  I used to think that they were just ignoring me but now I think there is a semi-penetrable veil of time and space between us and they occasionally get glimpses of me or hear my voice  from a far.

2.  I often have to resort to making electronic devices disappear or not work at all, and, in extreme occasions, stomp around or slam doors, to get my point across or to get them to pay attention.  I realize that this is kind of a hack-y ghost trick-used in all of the movies, but sometimes it's all I've got!

3.  I occasionally turn up in pictures or video when not expected.  I'll be getting dressed or doing dishes or some other task and-boom- there I am!  I'm always a little shocked when I'm captured on film, so I must be some sort of mythical creature.

4.  Apparently I am a magical "finding" ghost since I'm the only being in the house who can find "ANYTHING."  When I am summoned with the words "Mommy, I can't find ________" I appear where I am needed, and TA-DAAAAA!  I find the socks, or toy, or whatever.

5.  I can do things all day long, a multitude of tasks, and the only thing that they notice is that I've moved something.  Suddenly it's a catastrophe- "Where is RAINBOW DASH???" I hear.  I spring into action.  I've been summoned!

Being a ghost can be difficult and challenging but I think you'll find that haunting your family can be quite rewarding.  If you haunt them long enough and do a satisfactory job, I'm told that you can even turn into a real person some day-some time after they turn 18.

Mother's Day

Let's talk, for a minute, about Mother's Day. Mother's Day is, at best, not horrible, and at worse, a total soul-crushing day of torture. (The one exception: The Mother's Day before when you're pregnant with your first child. That is a magical day). It may surprise you that I'm skeptical of Mother's Day, but I am.

This is an old Irish Mother's Day blessing, right?

  So, what's the problem with Mother's Day? Mothers with young children just want to sleep in, not be responsible for everything, and probably don't want to rush around honoring every other mother in the world. We're in the trenches. We're there-getting poo flung at us and peed on and yelled at and told that our food is gross, feeling like we can't do anything right, our house isn't clean enough, we work too hard or not enough, etc, etc, etc. Still, every year, we think that Mother's Day will be different. But it won't.

To kids it's just another day. Kids don't really care about Mother's Day because they don't understand what it's like to be a mother and they won't until they are one. Since you've become a mom, chances are that you've thanked your mom repeatedly for being a great mother-because you didn't know what it took to keep these kids fed, clothed, and keep yourself functional until you became a parent. Being a mother is amazing but terribly difficult work.

  What would be a perfect Mother's Day for me? Well, sleeping past 7, not having to shower for a while, sitting around, drinking a coffee while my kids play nicely, don't complain that they're bored or fight with each other, being able to ask once for something to be done-and having it be completed, and just, in general, being treated like a human being. Before motherhood I wouldn't have thought that was a big deal, but now, that looks like an amazing day! BEST.DAY.EVER! Now, I bet that all of the moms are nodding and smiling and there's sappy music playing in your head. Yes, that's what most of us want. Grand gestures are fantastic, but if there is nothing else it's just a day where we get a fantastic, new tennis bracelet and matching earrings. Most of us don't want to rush around and see everyone else in the world who is also a mother. Most of us just want to relax, be a little selfish, and have one day where we don't have to contort into the role that everyone else needs us to be. It's Mother's Day, right?

  So moms, call your mom and tell her you love her and that you want to thank her for being so amazing. Offer to take her out or make her lunch or dinner or whatever you want to do. It doesn't have to be on Mother's Day. If you have young kids, this day is about you. Spend it recognizing other mothers or not! The important thing is this-just lower your expectations. Mother's Day is infinitely more important to you than anyone else. That's just the way it is. They love you, they appreciate you, just try to relax and enjoy whatever the day brings. Save up all of your stories, call you BFF, and you can bond over your respective days later.

Husbands: Make or buy her a card/gift/whatever means the most to her. Tell her you love her and thank her for being your children's mother. If there's a problem intervene before everyone ends up dead.

Kids: Don't be assholes to your mom today. She is so very tired of your shit and this is one day that she will not just sweep it under the rug. That hand made pinch pot will not make up for the giant fit you threw yesterday, but a pinch pot, a hug, getting along with your sibling and not complaining about what Mom wants to do are a good start!

  Happy Mother's Day, to all of the mothers out there!

HARK!!!

Holy Crap, has it ever been a rough week.  We have constantly been dealing with our sweet daughters turning into slobbering, angry, vengeful hell spawn-just antagonizing each other, fighting and causing me to turn into an evil harpy.
Finally, on the verge of a full on nervous breakdown, my husband suggested we talk about it and come up with a few words that we would like to exemplify our family.  We talked with the kids and they helped us choose the following four words:  Honesty, Accountability, Respect and Kindness.  Next, we decided to paint the words on canvases to hang in the living room.
Hopefully this will cut down on some of the fighting-if not, my next vacation might just be to a locked room with padded walls!

First, we painted our canvases with a background color and added a hand print to each one.

Next, we added our words.

We all added a little bit of "flair" to our canvas.

The finished product!

The Triumph and the Tragedy of Motherhood

Today was both a celebration and a gut punch.  Being a mother is so extremely rewarding but, as a part of the reward for doing your job, you are reminded that your job is to make your children independent, strong, and not need you-or, at least, not always need you.

First the triumph-because I'll pretend that I have had a lot to do with that.  My sweet, courageous daughters have been attending a cheering/tumbling camp this week, during school vacation.  They are taking chances and doing things they've been scared to do and today my youngest (6 years old) volunteered to be in a contest and performed jumps and cartwheels in front of the whole camp-all of whom are older kids than her.  That BLEW MY MIND.  My eldest was tirelessly working to improve-hit her back handspring, perfect her cartwheel, learn new techniques so that she can be the best team mate she can be.   I was the kid in high school who loved singing but constantly talked myself out of really auditioning for anything other than the chorus in the school musical (except for senior year).  I was so scared of giving the wrong answer that I didn't raise my hand in class and I always chose my social life over really applying myself-just because I thought I couldn't do it.  Then, here are my amazing daughters who have been just exceeding, addressing things, and volunteering to do extra.  They are challenging themselves, they are accomplishing things, and they don't realize what a huge deal it is.  They are not afraid!  I don't know where that comes from.  I am so in awe of what they have inside of their souls and can't even imagine where they will end up with that kind of courage.  Imagine, if all of the girls weren't afraid to tackle math problems or climb mountains or be doctors or study climate change, the economy, be president.  Imagine a GENERATION of Michelle Obamas, Hilary Clintons, Annie Oakleys.  My job is to keep nourishing that flame and to encourage them to always be brave.

Now the flip side of the coin.  I had heard rumours from an unnamed source that my 9 year old was really working hard to stop calling me mommy, and to start calling me mom.  Tonight she was reading a book to her sister, and was replacing "mommy" with "mom" the whole way through.  I went in to the room, intending to just tell her that I understood, that I remembered that thought, and as I was saying it, I started crying because I realize that it's time.  She is growing up.  She is closer to being a teen than a toddler, and is halfway to adulthood.  I smiled at her, told her that I understood, that I was sorry I was crying, but that I understood.  I told her that it was okay with me if she called me "mom" it wouldn't hurt my feelings, but that she could call me "mommy" whenever she wanted.  We both cried, we both hugged, the six year old started crying, said that she still wanted to call me "mommy."  One of us made a fart joke, we laughed about all the silly ways you can say "mommy" and I left the room with them giggling over Pinkalicious together.
That's the way of motherhood. The bittersweet, working-your-way-out-of-a-job reality of parenting.  If you do it right, they're constantly challenging themselves, reaching out, yet strengthening those wings to leave the nest some day.  I will always encourage them to stretch and grow, even as it makes me want to cling tighter and pull them back.  For now, though, we'll just try to make it through the tween angst, teen rebellion, and I'll sit in awe of the women they're becoming.

I gave in...

I gave in to the Elf On A Shelf phenomenon.  I know, I'm not sure what I was thinking, either!  Perhaps it was because the little bastard was on sale, for over 1/2 off with free shipping. (Oh, that got you, too?  It was at Barnesandnoble.com), or maybe it was because it seems like everyone else has those stupid little elves and my kids are feeing left out because I'm too lazy, or maybe it's just because that thing is just so damn creepy and cute at the same time and that makes me feel weird inside. 
Seriously, look at that thing.  How can something so evil looking make me want to tickle it's little tummy and kiss it's forehead?  What is wrong with me?
So, if you look around the mommy blogs and especially Pinterest you'll see thousands of pictures of these evil looking little troublemakers perched around kitchens and living rooms.  Our elf will not make messes. Our elf will probably be interesting for a few weeks then will be forgotten about until next year when I try, in vain, to create some goddamn holiday memories with my children by trying to convince them that an inanimate object that spies on them all day, comes to life at night, parties in our living room, journeys to the North Pole and back to tell an elderly creeper if they are nice or naughty so that he will break into our house and bring them presents in a couple of weeks...  Good Lord, what have I done? 
(If you don't hear from me before Christmas, it means the children and the Elf have joined forces.   Send help!)

Cry It Out Vs. Crying in General-Yeah, I'm going there.

In case you don't know what CIO means (apparently you haven't been a new mom in the past 100 years or so) it means Cry It Out-meaning the Cry It Out Method.  There are some facts that I want to address about babies crying, because there is a wealth of false information about letting babies cry.

According to Baby Center, there are at least 12 reasons why babies cry:

• 1. Hunger
• 2. A dirty diaper
• 3. Needs sleep
• 4. Wants to be held
• 5. Tummy troubles (gas, colic, and more)
• 6. Needs to burp
• 7. Too cold or too hot
• 8. Something small
• 9. Teething
• 10. Wants less stimulation
• 11. Wants more stimulation
• 12. Not feeling well
• What to do if your baby's still crying

At the end of the article, there is one more category, and that says that babies cry sometimes for no reason!  They do!  So do you!  Sometimes babies cry to get excess energy out of their system.  Sometimes they cry to tell you what they need (because, at the beginning, they don't have any other way to tell you-they can't talk yet, after all).

So, let's talk about babies crying, okay?  This is one thing that makes me crazy, and I'm going to rant alllll over you right now.

Do you smell it?  Soak it in, baby!

Let's talk about this bullshit statement "It's not my parenting choice to let my baby Cry It Out."  Do you want to know why this is bullshit?  Because it is, pure and simple.  People who say that have a warped idea of what/why babies cry and what exactly Cry It Out means.  Babies cry.  They fuss, they cry, eventually they start to smile, laugh and talk, but at first they just cry, poop and sleep.  You can choose to never let your baby cry, but you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you do.  I have heard this statement from multiple first-time parents, and they all make me crazy when I hear it. 

First of all, babies cry sometimes to communicate with you.  Do you know what your baby is saying when it is crying because he/she is hungry?  The baby is saying "Hey, it's been 2.5 seconds since I stopped eating/you sat down/you started to shower/poop/etc. and I'm HUNGRY!"  That is communication.  P.S.  You want them to learn to communicate with you if you ever want them to talk.  I understand if you don't want them to learn to talk, I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old, but it's probably not the best plan for them to get ahead in life.

Does this picture stress you out as much as it does me?  If so, you're a parent!

Babies also cry to burn off energy.  The youngest ones, especially, all have working brains, and ideas about what they want to do.  They are trapped in a body that won't move the way they want it to/they can't figure out how to make it do what they want it too.  They can't talk to you.  They can't get what they want by themselves.  They have energy to burn.  They are frustrated.  They cry.  Or, maybe they are trying to get to sleep or who knows!  If you have fed them, changed their diaper, held them, rocked them, and they are in a safe place, it's okay to let them cry for a while while you take some time to get yourself together.

Not a safe place to leave your baby while you get yourself together.

Trust me, you will need to get yourself together sometimes.  Sometimes that overwhelming feeling of being responsible for a new life, the sound of your baby crying when you don't know what to do to fix it, the knowledge that you have tried everything and the idea that you can't control this  situation is just too much.  You need to take a time out and if the baby has to cry for 5 or 10 minutes, so be it.  Forgive yourself.  You are going to be a much better mother if you let yourself relax, enjoy your baby, and don't constantly hold yourself up to unrealistic expectations.

Finally, there seems to be this idea out there that Cry It Out means letting your baby cry until they pass out or die or forever or something.  That is simply not true.
This is what it actually means:

What exactly is the Ferber method?

In a nutshell, Ferber says you can teach your baby to soothe himself to sleep when he's physically and emotionally ready, usually sometime between 3 and 5 months of age.

He recommends following a warm, loving bedtime routine and then putting your baby in bed awake and leaving him (even if he cries) for gradually longer periods of time. Putting a child to bed awake, says Ferber, is crucial to successfully teaching him to go to sleep on his own.

Parents are instructed to pat and comfort their baby after each predetermined period of time, but not to pick up or feed their baby. This routine is called "progressive waiting."

The suggested waiting time, which Ferber charts in his book, is based on how comfortable you are with the technique, how many days you've been using it, and how many times you've already checked on your child that night.

After a few days to a week of gradually increasing the waiting time, the theory goes, most babies learn to fall asleep on their own, having discovered that crying earns nothing more than a brief check from you.

You can read more here.

That is probably not so much different than you are already doing, and it doesn't seem nearly as controversial as it is made out to be.  We all, as parents, have to work on building our children into independent adults, and that includes being able to fall asleep.  Do you want to know how long I made it the first time I tried to let my daughter cry?  About 30 seconds.  She was fine.  Do you know how long it took her to "learn" to fall asleep on her own when laid down awake?  About a week or so.  We were consistent with routine, kept her physically and intellectually active, and had set bed times.  It was hard work, but to this day, both of my children are excellent sleepers, are able to self-soothe, and happy and well-adjusted children.  They have formed secure attachments to us, they have friends, and are functional kids.  They are independent and have a strong sense of self.



We will all argue and fight for our children, views, etc. but at the end of the day we will all do what is best for our children.  We will all be the best parents we can be.  We will love our kids, make some mistakes, and hope that they forgive us some day.   That's all fine, and hopefully some day we moms can stop fighting each other about who is right and wrong, and forgive ourselves for being who we are.

What About Me?

What is the biggest challenge for moms in the whole world? It is trying to figure out who you are, apart from your children. That is a crazy idea, but, even if you have a baby, it's something that we all have to think about. You know why? Some day, if we do our job the right way and circumstances allow it, they will be on their way, and we will be "us" again. Yes, we'll always be their moms, but we will once again be on our own, with free time, (hopefully) some extra money, and we will be of legal age to do almost anything!

                                                                  Yup, even that.

So, let's start making a list of the things that we want to do now, but we know that if we were caught it would look bad and you would probably be labeled as a degenerate by the Parent Teacher Council (unless,of course, you have them in on the activities with you).

So, what will we be able to do when we are able to be ourselves? We can travel to exotic, not necessarily kid friendly locations

 I hadn't noticed old people crossing the road with their hands up each other's asses before. I'll be sure to look for it now.






We can try new and exciting foods, we can listen to as much hardcore, Gangsta rap as we want with our windows down and our systems up because you know what? We won't give a ___sorry, can't say it. The kids are still in the room.

You get the general idea.

We'll be older, but not too old, and we'll be ready to reclaim some of the youth we were so eager to put on the back burner in order to raise our children responsibly. This doesn't mean, though, that we have to get stale, boring, bland and overly mature. We can still laugh at potty humor. We can still get a little wild with our friends, we can still be us because, in the end, that is what our kids are going to remember. They are going to remember our little idiosyncrasies and the things that made us special to them. They're also going to remember all of the things that you did to permanently scar your children (mine are going to remember because I am keeping a running log for them-so that they can just hand that sucker over to their therapist some day). Just be you. Don't worry about being a super parent. be the best parent you can be. Because, when they are grown and on their own some day, you are going to be left with yourself. Isn't it easier to act a little foolish if you've always been kind of a goof ball? I think there's less to explain that way. They'll just say "Oh, that's mom, she's a little crazy," instead of "Goodness, Muffy, Mother seems to have stepped off the deep end, perhaps we should have an intervention. She is eating her ice cream before her dinner!"

This picture has nothing to do with anything, but it makes me giggle. And that, my friends, is why I am a good, authentic parent.

Learning from the Children

My daughters are tightly coiled balls of ever increasing energy.  My eldest daughter does not just get out of bed in the morning (or stumble, flailing until I find my glasses, swearing at the sun for rising, my dog for getting in my way, the coffee for not already being made, etc.).  No.  She wakes up in the morning, leaps to the end of her bed, jumps from her bed to the floor, and skips...skips!  down stairs.  She skips every where.  She skips all day long.  She skips to the bathroom, she skips to the kitchen to get a yogurt, she skips or runs but hardly ever walks.

My husband and I were discussing this the other day.  We noticed that her first choice is to always skip between tasks. We both watched her skip into the bathroom and as she left the room, we were both smiling and laughing.  Watching her skipping brought us joy!  We both remarked that we wished that our first thought was to always skip-instead of plodding along as it seems some days.

Our youngest does not just wake up, either.  If, by chance, we have to wake her up she doesn't roll over and groggily greet us with a smile.  She lies on her stomach, flapping and clapping and slapping her feet and hands on her mattress until she springs up, grabs onto the bars of her crib, and jumps up and down.  This whole sequence takes about 5 seconds.  She is ready for action as soon as her eyes open.  She is full of joy and thrilled to greet the day.

Both of my daughters are excited to get on with the next thing, but they are also so happy to be in that moment that they make us happy to be a part of that moment.  They have helped us to find joy in mundane moments and, quite often, cause us to stop, take a look around, and be happy for simple moments. 
I'm not going to pretend that I can alter my bad attitude upon waking up.  I don't know if I am willing to work on that part of me when there are so many other facets of me that need work (such as the part of me that follows through with things, the part of me that cleans the bathroom more often, or the part of me that can focus on things for more than 10 minutes).  However, I am willing to take a little more time and be thankful for small moments of joy and peace and be looking for opportunities to recognize those two things.  Hopefully, in the future, my daughters will remember me as a fun mom whose moments of joy outnumbered the moments of grouchy, flailing anger. 

Really Living while on a Budget

I thought that right now, in the beginning of a new year (but not the beginning of a new decade, as a friend of ours pointed out-the new decade does not, in fact, begin until 2011) would be a good time to address the biggest monkey on my back...debt and budgeting.  This is not just a sore spot to me, though, most of my friends and even our country are struggling with these issues.  I know that there are a lot of reasons for this current economic melt down but believe that if we were brought up as a nation to be savers (and conservers and recyclers not to mention critical thinkers) this situation would not have happened.
When I was growing up, I received an allowance from my mom.  I was expected to split it into two envelopes, one for  saving and one for spending money.  By the end of high school, I had a pretty good chunk of change saved up.  However, in the ever amazing wisdom of youth, I spent it all on a car.  Now, I loved that car but it was not the best choice I ever made.
Thanks to the two envelope system I grew up with, I have a never ending need to save.  I love having money in my savings account.  The more I have saved, the better I am able to sleep.
My family, through a few different factors (choice, some poor decisions when we were young(er) and (more) foolish, and some unexpected circumstances) is currently living on a very strict budget.  Luckily, we both have jobs, we are all healthy and have had relatively good luck with our cars.  We have, however, had to make many adjustments to our wallets and more to our minds to be able to move forward with our finances.
The first challenge to our finances came with the birth of our oldest daughter.  We were a two-income family but now had to pay out over $500.00 per week in child care.  We did not adjust our weekly spending habits and quickly found ourselves in a pickle.  We had very little savings and the same expenses did not realize that even with two full time incomes an extra expenditure of $120 per week would hit the bank account so hard.  But we kept on and in time we cut other expenses down and were able to better absorb that daycare expense.  Then we started thinking about having another child.  Then we decided to move to Hawaii from Maine.  Then I dropped down to part-time work (and we worked at different times) so that we wouldn't pay child care any more.  Then we were blessed with a second, un-eventful pregnancy.  Then we moved back to Maine and bought a house.  Then we had our second baby girl.  Now it's been about a year since we bought the house and have two children, two cars and I only work part-time.
And, you know what?  We are for the most part in better shape budget wise than we were with two incomes.  We don't make nearly as much money but we are far more conscious of our money.  Before we spend we ask ourselves a few questions:
1.  Can we get this used? (except for underwear, diapers, basically anything that touches the nether regions)
2.  Is this the best possible deal?  Sometimes this is a really hard one to ask myself because I am generally shopping alone with my two children.  Anyone who shops alone with any children knows that the biggest hassle of a shopping trip is the CHILDREN!  The idea of going to a second shop (which means loading them back into the car for a trip somewhere else and then getting everyone out and re-organized to go into yet another store is a huge hassle).  Generally I research my prices and products online and don't go for it until I'm pretty certain that I can get what I need in one place.
3.  Do we really NEED this?  I admit, this is a hard one for us.  We are fairly impulsive people and have a very hard time differentiating between need and want.  I am also excellent at justifying why I should buy things.  I know this and often have to talk myself out of making purchases while trying to talk myself into making purchases.
4.  If we need this, where the heck are we going to put it?  This is our newest test.  Having two children has shown me that your home will quickly get overrun with stuff.  If I don't have a place to put the item, I do not allow myself to buy it.  As a part of that rule, my husband recently built a wall of shelves in our basement (from floor to ceiling)  We were able to put everything but a few tables and our bikes away on those shelves.  We have now set a limit that we will not store anything down in the basement that does not fit on those shelves.  That means that before we can get any more stuff, we need to purge what we already have.

These steps seem so common sense as I write them but when going through them it is very difficult to be honest with myself about the answers.  However, we have had some really great discussions with Olivia about budgeting, about clearing out trash and toys that aren't used any more and about recycling.  We'll keep with our plan and hopefully our country can find a way to make a realistic budget and get some money in the old savings account!

Fear vs. Reflection...How Best to Raise Our Children

There is a debate raging inside my head about how best to raise my children.  The little angel sitting on my right shoulder keeps telling me to raise them to be self-reflective, caring citizens who think about their actions and make choices based on a deep seated set of ethics.  The fat, lazy couch potato devil on my left shoulder says that I should teach them to follow the rules blindly and out of fear of whatever consequences my evil brain may cook up.
On one hand, I really like the idea that my children will make choices according to a set of ethics and a feeling of empowerment.  On the other hand, I want them to just automatically do what I say without questioning.
Don't get me wrong-this does not apply to all issues.  Safety issues are not negotiable.  There is not any ethical middle ground to running into the street.  This applies to questions like should I be honest?  Do I hit back?  Do I share with my friends?  For the most part, Olivia seems to understand that you share with friends because it makes you feel good and makes them feel good and that's one way that you show people that you care about them.  However, she is only four and there is only a certain amount of self-reflection that is possible.
When the situation presents itself, however, I generally try to talk with her about what she thinks she should do in a situation and why, and what may be some alternatives.  The problem with this route, though, is that she now is negotiating with me and is really good at it!  It is a little scary, how logical she can be and how quickly she can put together an argument.
So, now I think that I am going to have to go the route that my mom ended up going which is a combination of reflection first then fear.  She had two tools in her arsenal and they were good ones.
1.  She told us that she had spies all over the neighborhood and they would be watching us.  Therefore, she would always know what was going on.  The scariest thing was, it was true!  One day my sister crossed the road (jay walked) with no one in the road and no one around.  When she walked into the house my mother called from work and told her that she knew that Steph had crossed the street...and not at the light!  We were amazed and terrified by her power!  For years to come, and still to this day, when faced with a choice that could be a bad one I think a. does this seem like the right thing to do? and b. if not, is it worth getting caught and getting in trouble?
2.  She had a remote that would beep when a button was pushed.  It had a small speaker and nothing else on it.  She told us it was a lie detector and would point it at us when she asked us questions.  We believed.

So, when my girls grow up, I hope they feel the same way about me that I feel about my mom.  I hope, when they remember me, they think "She taught me right from wrong, and when all else failed, I sometimes made better choices because I was afraid of the wrath that would come down on me."

A Torturous Day of Mayhem

Yesterday was not a good day for the Smith ladies.  We had a day of fighting, not listening, crying and general chaos.  It was one of those days when, for the few minutes that everything goes well, you hug your children and tell them you love them and then one of them hits the other one and all bets are off.
Nap time came and went, along with a HUGE tantrum from Olivia and both girls took miniscule teeny tiny little naps.  I was at my wits end.  All I could think of was "I need BACKUP!"
Finally, Lincoln was on his way home from work.  Relief was in sight.  He pulled into the driveway and took over the care of the little monsters.  I was preparing dinner, put Maya in her high chair and she grabbed my glass of water from the table and poured it all over herself, the high chair and the floor.  I just lost all ability to pretend that this day wasn't bothering me.  I kept wondering what was wrong with me?  Why couldn't I just control the situation?  What had I been doing so wrong today that my children were completely out of control?
I was on the floor, sputtering about escaping by myself...maybe even to jail...for a few days of silence when Lincoln asked me, incredulously, "What is wrong with you?"  I gave him a dirty look and said "We've had a...very...very...difficult day."
We had dinner, went through the evening after dinner, and you know what?  It wasn't just me!  Lincoln had just as hard a time as I had been having all day.  My only thought was "Thank GOD!"  When we had a minute, I asked him, "Now, do you see what I was talking about earlier?"  And he said very quietly, "Yes."
I was so relieved that I was ready to cry.  I felt so bad that he was having a hard time with them, too, but at least I wasn't alone in experiencing this.
Now, we've all had a good night's sleep and we are all getting along again.  Olivia is listening, has told me that she loves us and Maya is not destroying the house in a single reach.  We made it through and no one even had to go to jail.