Confirmation-We have done a few things right so far!

My eldest daughter had Kindergarten Screening this morning, and, for some reason, I was nervous.  I had visions of us going in with high hopes and seeing them asking her to point to her nose as she pointed to her toes or stack the red, yellow and green blocks and she would throw them at the teacher's head or something.  I was hoping that these things wouldn't happen, but, hey, you never know!
Now these are not the usual behaviors for my daughter.  There is absolutely no reason that I should be afraid that she wouldn't pass the screening.  She has attended pre-school for the past two years and has always passed her developmental milestones early or right on time.  I don't know why I was so nervous about this screening but the good news is that she was within normal ranges for all of the screening areas and she passed! 
Now the hard part begins.  Now I know that I have to start making preparations to let her go for the first time.  Now I have to begin to prepare myself for Kindergarten and have to be willing to let her turn into a school age child. 
I know that some of this will happen naturally, but I have to work on a few things so that she won't be scared to go to Kindergarten.  Here they are:

1. I have to stop crying every time I think of her going to school every day, all day long.
2. I have to face the reality that it is going to happen.  Not only is it going to happen, but once it does, I'm going to love it!
3. I have to stop saying "I can't talk about it" whenever someone asks me about her new journey into Elementary school.
4. I must find something for Maya to do when Olivia is at school.  As it is now, when ever she can't find her older sister, she wanders around the house looking in every nook and cranny and whining her approximation of Olivia.  She is going to be b-o-r-e-d, I fear.

So, what exactly does this all mean?  I need to embrace this change, mostly because it is inevitable but partially because it is a positive and important change for all of us.  We are also proud that somewhere along the way, Olivia has managed to acquire enough knowledge to pass a basic Kindergarten Screening test and that we have, in fact, actually taught her enough to give her a strong start.  I'm very proud of Olivia and excited to see what Elementary School has in store for us.
To Kindergarten, and Beyond!

Some thoughts for Mothers Day

I love my children.  I love the way my eldest daughter laughs when you tickle her stomach, the way she insists on "scripted" play, the way she is creative and imaginative and funny.  I love my youngest daughter and the wonder and joy she shows when she looks through tupperware lids or bends down and looks at me upside down through her legs. 
I know that everyone says it, but I have to say it again.  I did not realize how being a mother would completely change my life.  I never thought that a hug or a kiss or a simple "I love you" could change the course of my day.  I love holding their little hands, watching them learn to write or read, and even teaching them to say words like "poopy"   (Maya's new favorite-we're potty training).

Sometimes I have to take time to think about these small miracles because being a mom can be very overwhelming.  Being a mom is the ultimate immersion experience.  It is really the only thing in your life that you think you are prepared for but suddenly, all of your preconcieved notions of what this experience will be like for you were way off base.  Something as simple as giving your baby that first bath can become a completely terrifying thing for you.  It was for me. 
Before the birth of my first child, I imagined her birth story to be like something from a fairy tale.  I would go into labor, she would come flying out into the world with a rainbow and doves and a smile on her face and a coy little chuckle.  I thought that the doctor would hand her to me and I would have that infusion of motherly wisdom and love that all mothers have. 
Instead, I had a c-section because she was frank breech (which means she came out butt first-mooning the world) and when the doctor held her up for me to see I thought, "Oh, she's so beautiful...Oh shit...I have to take that home with me now!  This is REAL!"  It was real.  It was the beginning of the most intense love that anyone can ever feel.  It was hard, too.  It still is hard.  However, even my worst days as a mom are better than my best days before my children.  And no, I never got the motherly wisdom infusion.  That happens over time as a result of experience, that's my guess.
After Olivia was born, the nurse came in to discharge me and asked me if I had any questions.  I practically screamed at her "I don't know how to give her a bath!  What do I do about that umbilical cord thing?   What do I do if she won't nurse at home?" and in my head I was thinking "How am I supposed to teach her right from wrong and how to be a good person?  What am I supposed to tell her about God and Religion when I don't even know what I believe?  What if she doesn't like broccoli or turns out to be a sociopath?"  The nurse kindly helped me bathe my baby and reassured me that we could do this.  My mom and my friends had to do the same thing over the next few weeks. 

Luckily, it's been almost 5 years now since that day, and Olivia is starting Kindergarten in September.  I still wrestle with those questions.  We try to show Olivia that actions have consequenses, both good and bad, and that she has an effect on the world.  We encourage her to think critically and to relax and have fun.  We try to be good examples of patience and kindness and are not afraid to admit to our mistakes.  Hopefully,  when she really needs them, these qualities will be easy to draw on.

Having a second child was different than the first in many ways.  I found it harder to allow myself to bond with Maya in some ways because I was afraid that I would lose my bond with Olivia.  I think that I also thought that I wasn't bonding as well because I wasn't as terrified that I was going to accidentally kill Maya.  (When Olivia was an infant I was continually poking her when she was sleeping to make sure she was really still alive.  I was very paranoid!  I think I only did that once to Maya.)  I had a better idea of the resilience of babies and knew what I was capable of.  I was more relaxed and have really been able to enjoy her baby-hood.  I think that this shows up in her personality, too, as she is more of a risk taker than Olivia was at that age, and she is more of a tester, too.  She is a really delightful toddler and has a smile that could melt a glacier.

I'm not sure how to end this post, but I think I'll finish by saying that motherhood has challenged me and is continuing to help me to grow and become the person that I have wanted to be. 

Working Out with a Goal

We've been working out lately, using P90X as a way to get fit.  We absolutely love it and I am finally in my second brand of size 10 Jeans!!  (I have a theory that you aren't really a certain size unless you can fit into more than one brand of that size...)  I have now gone from a 16 to a 10 in about 3 1/2 months. 
Today, after our Kenpo X (Karate) workout today, my husband and I were discussing a song that was on the radio.  It was the kind of song that would play in the soundtrack of a movie as someone was training for a big fight (you would see the people, dripping with sweat, moving in perfect synchronicity in slow motion) and then the action would start.  We would walk down the stairs in our house, primed for battle, and open the door to a hoard of zombies and then the butt-kicking would begin!
We have decided that we're really not in training to be fit, we're in combat training to be safe in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  Now, to take that a bit further, my daughters have been in the room and have been doing their own 4 year old and 15 month-old  versions of P90X, so I guess that they're in training too.  So, when the Apocalypse happens, look us up.  We will be a troupe of butt-kicking, zombie-ripping, ab crunching maniacs!
I realize now that this post makes no sense but when we were talking about this in the morning, it was hysterical!  I'm going to publish this post, though, because I still think it's funny.

The Money Jar

Ingredients:
2 Jars (Mason, Spaghetti Sauce, etc.)
Coins
Unruly Child

Step 1.  Decide on target behaviors (we decided to work on talking instead of whining, eating meals without complaining, sharing, following directions the first time she's asked and being quiet when I'm on the phone).  Assign a monetary amount to each behavior (following directions is worth 10 cents, everything else is worth 5.)

Step 2.  Explain rules to unruly child.  Explain that if they, for example, follow directions the first time they're asked to do something they will earn 10 cents.  Likewise, if they don't meet the targeted behaviors (and start whining, for example) 5 cents from her jar will go into my jar.  Also explain that "extra" coins can be earned for super duper extra helpful and kind actions.

Step 3.  Watch said unruly child turn into a perfect angel and magically decide that they have  to clean up the play room, take her blanket upstairs, and share with her sister.  Oh, and be consistent.


Step 4.  Call your friend and thank her for the idea because, at least for one day, you didn't  have to fight with your daughter.  Hug your daughter and love her.

Step 5.  Call your mom and thank her for raising you.  I don't know about you, but my mom did it all alone-and I don't know how she did it.  Love you, Mom!

Remember-change the goals as your child masters them and remember-this is a positive reinforcement technique.  The amount of money doesn't matter to the child as much as the fact that they can see items being put in or taken out of their jar.  If you don't feel comfortable with money use something else that your child really cares about.  We're saving up Olivia's coins to buy a DVD or a Barbie-whichever she decides she wants more.

I've turned into an A-word

I think I'll write today about becoming an a-word, no, not that one, an adult-and knowing finally, that you are one.  That may not read like it sounded in my head but I think you'll catch my drift in a minute.

I recently had someone say to me that my husband and I have made good choices on how to raise our kids  and that she wasn't sure if she and her husband would be able to do that.  (In effect we've both stayed home with them at different times-depending on which one was set to make more money) and have been happy with that.  We have both worked at the same time, too, but juggled our schedules so that we could have our children in day care the least amount possible.  This is in no way a slam on parents who both work or on single parents who have their children in daycare because I, too, have had jobs that I loved and don't know if I would have wanted to give them up to stay home.  There have also been times when we couldn't financially or weren't willing to give up one of our jobs and that was the best choice we could make at that time. 

What I take this person to have meant was that we have decided to put our personal desires on hold, and have decided to live more simply in order to have these years with our girls.  It was not a decision that was easy to make and it has taken us a long time to figure these lessons out.

I really believe that people do the best they can with what they have.  We had the luck to live in a place where we could get a mortgage based only on my husband's income and I can work part time when he is home to pay for the rest.  We also don't mind doing that and tend to have a blast during our family time together.  Our way is not the right way for many others, but it's working for us right now. 

So, how do you know that you're really an a...a...adult.  That wasn't so painful now, was it?  We now sit down together and make decisions in a carefully thought out way.  We research.  We ask for advice and help.  We have to balance out what we want (such as a new deck, a garden shed, a new car) with what we need (food, a home and a newer car...ding, ding...we have a winner!)  What we get may not always be what we want but it is what we need at the time.  That last part isn't really so different from what it was before but  this is the difference-we don't really mind.   Kids spend a lot of time being frustrated or upset about what they may not have ("Mommy, I wanted Goldfish in a BIG bowl!") but adults, for the most part, deal with the size of the bowl they are given.  And, if they are taught right when they were kids, will thank the giver no matter what the size of the bowl (even if, inside, they know that someone else got a bigger bowl and that's just NOT FAIR!)

Although I may have some frustration around what I want and what I can acutally get I try really hard not to dwell on that.  Otherwise, what is the point of making the sacrifices?  We all need to be thankful for what we have  and own the choices we have made.  We need to live in the present but plan for the future.  We should all be proud of our adult self.  We have made choices to bring us to that point and I'm proud of us.

Losing It! Part 2

I have been neglecting my Blog lately as I have found a new obsession-exercise!  I have been using the P90 system for the past 70 days and have also been tracking and limiting my calories...and guess what?  It's working!  Now, after 7 years of being over weight, listless, sorry for myself and generally embarrassed by my body I am finally losing weight and more importantly, liking how I look.
So far, I have lost 22 pounds.  Yes! 22!  I am able to wear some size 10 pants which I have not been able to do since 2002, and I now only have one chin!
I am now able to control my eating and am able to stop snacking.  Actually, until I made a commitment to myself to stop eating while watching TV, I hadn't realized how much I'd been eating and how much junk I was eating.  It was horrifying.
The biggest accomplishment now, though, is that I like exercise.  Actually, I love exercise.  I have never liked exercising before.  I have never been "that girl" who got excited by the purchase of free weights (which I am) or by the prospect of working toward doing chin ups (another goal).  In fact, much to my surprise, I now watch infomercials for exercise systems and think "ooh, I want to give that a try after I'm done with P90X!"  Yes, all of these changes so far, and I'm not done yet.

Losing It!

I am trying to lose weight.  For the past 7 years, I have claimed that my slowly enlarging derriere was the product of my stressful job, disorganized lifestyle, pregnancy, thyroid problems, hormone problems, stress, alien abductions-you name it and it was an excuse for me.  Now I have joined a diet plan and have actually lost 10 lbs. through diet and exercise...imagine that!

Now, I know that all of the reasons I listed above do have an effect on body weight and health, but I am a master excuse maker.  I am the queen of procrastinators and can talk myself into and out of every action that I ever should take!  I don't know how I got this way, but I do have a hunch-I am lazy.  LAZY! -at least in this part of my life.

I have made a few pledges to myself.  One is to follow through this time and to treat my body with respect. My stomach is not a dumpster-and I should not be shoveling garbage into it all day, every day.    The next is to actually do the work to shed the pounds.  Unfortunately, at least in my case, this means actually exercising and taking in less than I expend.  There go the long nights of snacking on my favorite, beloved snacks such as Hershey's Kisses, Reeses Peanut butter cups and Goldfish crackers.  Oh well, GET OVER IT!

This is a new beginning for me.  I am taking charge of my health, my weight and my excuses.  I will not let them decide for me any more.