How the Garbage Man Saved My Marriage...

Yes, that is a very dramatic title, isn't it?  Now, before you get all hot and bothered (mom) worrying about the state of my marriage, here's the truth...I may have overstated the issue a bit.  I'm going to lay it all out for you, though, and I think you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Here is my theory about why people get divorced:  teeny tiny little problems (like who should take the trash to the dump or do the dishes after dinner) turn into bigger problems (like hating each other), then the biggest problems (cheating, etc) turn into D-I-V-O-R-C-E.  Yeah, I know what you're saying.  Many marriages are shams, many wives are bitches and/or nags, many husbands are just douchebags and/or clueless, every rose has it's thorn...blah, blah, blah.  Those aren't the type of marriages I'm talking about.  I'm talking about everyone else.  Your friends, in-laws, boss, whoever.  The type of people who, when they announce they are getting a divorce, cause shocked silence, weeping and gnashing of teeth.  Their announcement causes everyone who hears about it to say "I never saw that coming."  These marriages die a slow death of resentment, silence and fights about trash or dishes but really about so much more.  Let's be honest, when you fight about something with your spouse, is it really about that one issue?  Isn't it really about something else (not feeling valued, being lonely, not being sure that you're on the same team any more)?  I know it is.  Shhhhhh...you don't even have to say it.

The truth is that my marriage is pretty amazing.  My husband is kind, a great dad, funny and not at all a douchebag.  I'd like to think that other people think that I come across as slightly less bitchy in real life than I do in my head.  We tend to talk things over, are on the same page when it comes to raising our kids, and have lots of fun together. 
However, there was a problem in our household...and it stank.

Stop smiling, you asshole.

We live in a rural development, really more of a small town inside of another small town.  It's picturesque, classic New England, dirt roads, cape cod houses but no trash pick up.  The only way to have your trash removed from your house is via one of two methods: pay someone to do it or take it to the dump your own damn self.  (watch the video-this is one of my fondest childhood memories)

So, being the stingy, contrary New Englanders we are, we found out that it would cost $20 per month to have someone take away our trash!  "NO WAY!" we said.  We were not going to pay someone $20 to haul away our old food containers, dirty diapers, etc.  We would take it to the dump ourselves.
Well, after 3 winters and summers of fighting about who was going to take the trash to the dump...what's that?  You want to see what that fight looks like?

Almost there...Pretty accurate.

Me:  Can you please take the trash to the dump?  The shitbird raccoons are trying to get into the bins every night and I'm pretty sure there's a colony of maggots in the bottom of the bin.
Him:  (sigh) Okay.  Why can't you do it during the week?  I have to work all day and then spend Saturday cleaning out the van and taking the trash to the dump now.
Me: (trying not to punch him in the wind pipe) Well, I'm at home with two kids, I do everything else around here, and I'm just asking you to take the trash to the dump.  Please, please, don't make me go there.  I hate it there.  It smells horrible, there are so many flies, and I just HATE THE DUMP.
Him: (looks defeated, clearly can not argue with my airtight rhetoric)  Okay, I'll do it.  Do you think I like going to the dump? 
Thing 1:  Thing two pooped in the bath tub/spilled something/drew on the wall!
Me and him:  Stop tattling!  Thing Two, why did you poop in the bath tub/spill something/draw on the wall?

and scene...

You're too kind! 

Now, imagine that almost exact same fight happen 30 times a year...or, imagine someone not going for a while and the trash piling up and then imagine the passive aggressive rage I would exhibit when the shitbird raccoons did get into the trash and spread it all around the yard....and guess who got to clean it up because I "just stay home."  You guessed it.  The trash was not just a festering maggot colony, it was festering rage and resentment and fights and loads of bacteria.

How can I hate something so adorable with so much passion?  Once you've woken up to this scene a few times, you'll find yourself screaming swears at them from your living room windows, too.

Finally, I had enough.  He got a better job which freed up a little extra money which meant I could finally justify paying someone else $20 per month to come haul away our 2-4 bags of trash and recyclables per week.  And, you know what?  It is amazing.  I can't explain the joy I get in taking the trash bins out to the curb and watching for Ralph I-don't-know-his-last-name to pull up in his red truck with his reflective stuck-on letters on the side to empty out my trash and recyclables and take it where ever he wants to take it.  It is just not our problem any more.  So how did this save our marriage?  It gave us one less stressful thing between us.  We were able to move on, get rid of this issue and not give it room to make a problem for us in the future. Plus, I really, really hate going to the dump. 

Today's lesson:  If you can get rid of a major stressor, do it.  Don't let the raccoons win, and let Jensen tell you what you already know:

...swoon....

Enter the Octogon...

I'm coming down with a cold and my head hurts so I can't think very well tonight.  I did, however, want to write a post since it's been a while and I really, really, really miss writing.  This post is dedicated to my Dryer.  Yes, I have a dryer that we bought 4 years ago, used, and apparently broken.  An electrician came to fix my $50 dryer (that repair cost me $125 four years ago) and told me, way back then, that my dryer wouldn't last a year and I should buy one from him.  I told him I'd take my chances and here we are, four years later.
Here's the thing about my dryer.  It really doesn't work that well, but works just well enough to get me to keep it around.  It also seems to eat socks.  Not all socks, mind you, but just one out of each pair.  For a while I thought I could outsmart the dryer by putting all of my sad little singleton socks on top of the dryer and waiting for it to spit out the other one at a later date, like a mama bird regurgitating food for it's young.  However, the dryer has held on to those mis-matched socks like Sami Brady holds on to a grudge (sorry-I feel really lousy tonight).  So, in honor of my hungry dryer, I give you this...

The Absolute Best...Most Comforting...Cheesiest Mac and Cheese in the World.

Yes, I have discovered it!  This is the best Mac and Cheese recipe in the world-and it is EASY!  So, I started looking for a Mac and Cheese recipe that I could do in my crock pot, and found this delicious recipe.  But, as I was getting started I thought...hmmm....something is clearly missing.  Can you guess what it was? Yup.  Bacon.
I went to my fridge and pulled out my bag of Wright Brand Bacon (honestly the best bacon in the world) and made this amazing mac and cheese.

Cheesy Bacon-y Mac and Cheese in the Crock Pot
1 Box of Pasta (I used Rotini because I live dangerously)
12 oz can of evaporated milk
1 1/2 cups of milk
2 beaten eggs
4 cups of shredded cheese
BACON!!!!!


Spray down your crock pot with Pam or some similar spray.  Layer your bacon in the bottom of your crock pot (I used 5 pieces). Add a small layer of shredded cheese. Add in 1/2 of the pasta.  Add another small layer of cheese.  Add the rest of the pasta.
In a bowl, beat together your eggs and add the evaporated milk, regular milk, mix together and then pour over the pasta.  Add the rest of the cheese.  Do you see where this is going?  Add a few more strips of bacon over the top of the cheese.  Why the Hell not?  If you want your bacon on the top crispy, I would recommend cooking it first.  I also added some bread crumbs to give it a breaded top.
Cook on High for 2 hrs., then low for another hour or so to make sure the bacon on the bottom is fully cooked.  Make sure you reward yourself for such a good job done with a nice tall glass of boxed wine.

YUM!

 

This recipe is so amazing-my family LOVED it!  The pasta was delicious, the sauce was so amazing and the bacon gave every bite a little bacony goodness.  This is a great meal for a cold day, when you just need your food to go "thud."  Comfort food at it's best.  It's also a great meal for any other day because, you know, bacon.