In case you don't know what CIO means (apparently you haven't been a new mom in the past 100 years or so) it means Cry It Out-meaning the Cry It Out Method. There are some facts that I want to address about babies crying, because there is a wealth of false information about letting babies cry.
According to Baby Center, there are at least
12 reasons why babies cry:
At the end of the article, there is one more category, and that says that babies cry sometimes
for no reason! They do! So do you! Sometimes babies cry to get excess energy out of their system. Sometimes they cry to tell you what they need (because, at the beginning, they don't have any other way to tell you-they can't talk yet, after all).
So, let's talk about babies crying, okay? This is one thing that makes me crazy, and I'm going to rant alllll over you right now.
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| Do you smell it? Soak it in, baby! |
Let's talk about this bullshit statement "It's not my parenting choice to let my baby Cry It Out." Do you want to know why this is bullshit? Because it is, pure and simple. People who say that have a warped idea of what/why babies cry and what exactly Cry It Out means. Babies cry. They fuss, they cry, eventually they start to smile, laugh and talk, but at first they just cry, poop and sleep. You can choose to never let your baby cry, but you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you do. I have heard this statement from multiple first-time parents, and they all make me crazy when I hear it.
First of all, babies cry sometimes to communicate with you. Do you know what your baby is saying when it is crying because he/she is hungry? The baby is saying "Hey, it's been 2.5 seconds since I stopped eating/you sat down/you started to shower/poop/etc. and I'm HUNGRY!" That is communication. P.S. You want them to learn to communicate with you if you ever want them to talk. I understand if you don't want them to learn to talk, I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old, but it's probably not the best plan for them to get ahead in life.
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| Does this picture stress you out as much as it does me? If so, you're a parent! |
Babies also cry to burn off energy. The youngest ones, especially, all have working brains, and ideas about what they want to do. They are trapped in a body that won't move the way they want it to/they can't figure out how to make it do what they want it too. They can't talk to you. They can't get what they want by themselves. They have energy to burn. They are frustrated. They cry. Or, maybe they are trying to get to sleep or who knows! If you have fed them, changed their diaper, held them, rocked them, and they are in a safe place, it's okay to let them cry for a while while you take some time to get yourself together.
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| Not a safe place to leave your baby while you get yourself together. |
Trust me, you will need to get yourself together sometimes. Sometimes that overwhelming feeling of being responsible for a new life, the sound of your baby crying when you don't know what to do to fix it, the knowledge that you have tried everything and the idea that
you can't control this situation is just too much. You need to take a time out and if the baby has to cry for 5 or 10 minutes, so be it. Forgive yourself. You are going to be a much better mother if you let yourself relax, enjoy your baby, and don't constantly hold yourself up to unrealistic expectations.
Finally, there seems to be this idea out there that Cry It Out means letting your baby cry until they pass out or die or forever or something. That is simply not true.
This is what it actually means:
What exactly is the Ferber method?
In a nutshell, Ferber says
you can teach your baby to soothe himself to sleep when he's physically
and emotionally ready, usually sometime between 3 and 5 months of age.
He recommends following a warm, loving bedtime routine and
then putting your baby in bed awake and leaving him (even if he cries)
for gradually longer periods of time. Putting a child to bed awake, says Ferber, is crucial to successfully teaching him to go to sleep on his own.
Parents
are instructed to pat and comfort their baby after each predetermined
period of time, but not to pick up or feed their baby. This routine is
called "progressive waiting."
The suggested waiting time, which
Ferber charts in his book, is based on how comfortable you are with the
technique, how many days you've been using it, and how many times you've
already checked on your child that night.
After a few days to a
week of gradually increasing the waiting time, the theory goes, most
babies learn to fall asleep on their own, having discovered that crying
earns nothing more than a brief check from you.
You can read more
here.
That is probably not so much different than you are already doing, and it doesn't seem nearly as controversial as it is made out to be. We all, as parents, have to work on building our children into independent adults, and that includes being able to fall asleep. Do you want to know how long I made it the first time I tried to let my daughter cry? About 30 seconds. She was fine. Do you know how long it took her to "learn" to fall asleep on her own when laid down awake? About a week or so. We were consistent with routine, kept her physically and intellectually active, and had set bed times. It was hard work, but to this day, both of my children are excellent sleepers, are able to self-soothe, and happy and well-adjusted children. They have formed secure attachments to us, they have friends, and are functional kids. They are independent and have a strong sense of self.
We will all argue and fight for our children, views, etc. but at the end of the day we will all do what is best for our children. We will all be the best parents we can be. We will love our kids, make some mistakes, and hope that they forgive us some day. That's all fine, and hopefully some day we moms can stop fighting each other about who is right and wrong, and forgive ourselves for being who we are.
