Five Stages of Election Grief

Yeah, I'm behind by a few weeks, but I think it's time that everyone sits down, has a glass of wine and becomes friends again.  It's time to let the healing begin.  Let me guide you through the Five Stages of Election Grief.

Sorry, can't help it.  I'm kind of a jerk.

Stage 1:  Disbelief.  You know that the liberal/conservative/media in general called the election too early.  The results aren't valid!  Tomorrow you'll wake up to news stories saying that everything was wrong last night and everything will be fine.

Stage 2:  Horrible, horrible, heartwrenching sadness.  Everything you ever wanted is gone now.  Life is over.  Your future is a horrible, dark, nightmarish hellscape of socialism and gayness everywhere.  Just everywhere. 

Stage 3:  Acceptance/pity for the poor bastards, those poor stupid bastards who voted for the wrong guy even though it was against their best interests.  Don't worry, we thought the same thing about you in 2000 and 2004.  We even thought it about you this time.  I know, we'll agree to disagree.

Stage 4:  Furious VENGEANCE and ANGER!  You just want to FIGHT all of the stupid bastards that you just took 30 seconds to feel sorry for.  You hate them.  You hate their guts.  You want to post all over Facebook about how stupid they are with smug things to make them feel bad.  Spoiler alert-these things make you look crazy but they sure are entertaining to everyone else. 

Stage 5:  I don't know...I never made it past Stage 3 but from the news I guess its secession?  I don't know.  I think Stage Five should just be Get the Fuck Over It.  

We good? Let's move on.