Calm Your Crazy Asses Down, Conservatives!

So, the election is over and Barack Obama won. That is the truth. Please relax.  I've been there!  Did you know that I cried on election night the first time the George W. Bush won?  I did!  I proclaimed the end of the world that night.  I was wrong.  I think is a shittier world because he was president, but it did not end.

So, as I have been through the 5 stages of election grief myself, I wanted to offer you some compassion but I can't because you are driving me FUCKING CRAZY.  You are out of control with your ranting and raving.  You are posting shit all over Facebook that is making you look like a lunatic (actually, keep that up, it makes me laugh)

Here's the thing.  We (I am lumping in all of the people who didn't vote for Bush either time) didn't like your guy.  We thought he was a bad guy.  We may have said some mean things about him and some of us got a little crazy, but it seems like you (this is all of you) are taking things a little too far.  Here are the facts:
He is not a socialist.  He is a moderate.  A MODERATE!  What is your problem with moderation?  The definition of the word moderate is: 

mod·er·ate

[mod-er-it, mod-rit; mod-uh-reyt] Show IPA adjective, noun, verb, mod·er·at·ed, mod·er·at·ing.

adjective

1.

kept or keeping within reasonable or proper limits; not extreme, excessive, or intense: a moderate price.

2.

of medium quantity, extent, or amount: a moderate income.

3.

mediocre or fair: moderate talent.

4.

calm or mild, as of the weather.

5.

of or pertaining to moderates, as in politics or religion.

These are reasons why you should tone your crazy ass down:
He has expanded on the Patriot Act, he didn't close Gitmo.  He has been a friend to the banks, has basically brought RomneyCare (He was your nominee, remember?) to the national stage (Compare the two here.  Those are things that make me sad, mad and generally not happy.  However, he has out Bush'd Bush!  That should make you very, very happy!

Here are the reasons why we like him:
He has finally spoken out and is willing to fight for some of the things that effect all of us (a woman's right to choose, the right to health insurance for all, equal pay, equal rights, and more!  Those all seem like very reasonable things to me, but, then again, I am a crazy crazy liberal.

So I'll end with a prediction of what the next four years are going to be like.  Just like the last 12, but hopefully with a little more social justice.  You will deal with it.  We dealt with Bush.  Just relax.