Girls...oh man. I never thought I would have girls. Let alone two of them. I was the girl who always stayed close to guys because they are so much simpler to deal with. I was the girl who had a few girl friends but never wanted to be involved in the fight to be popular or cool or anything. I just wanted to be me-quirky, happy, musical theater me.
Now I have two girls that I somehow have to help become functional adult women at some point. How do you do that when you never really were "one of the girls?" How do I help them become the kind of girls who like themselves, are kind to others and more, when those were not traits that I associated with girls when I was in school? I've come up with a few guidelines:
1. No Bullshit. This is a general rule that I have and use it in my brain (but not out loud). When I know that there is a sizeable amount of BS spewing from my daughters I have to call them on it. I really despise how so many girls/women use baby voices, play dumb, or play up drama to get what they want. If you are not a 10 year old, don't act like one to get what you want.
2. No Drama. Do not be that girl. Do not be that girl who gets mad, pouts, stomps away but waits for everyone to come chasing after her. They may chase after you right now, while you're little-but that shit gets old fast. No one wants to hang out with the foot-stomping, pouting, whiny girl who takes off at the first instance of things not going her way. If something is wrong, refer to #1. Address things with people. Be straightforward and honest and don't play games.
3. Never be afraid to be yourself. Do you like trucks? Computer Coding? Ballet? Frogs? Cheerleading? Basketball? Be you. Whatever that is. Stop trying to figure out what everyone likes and be yourself. You are great! If you know who you are and what your core values are it's easier to stay true to them.
4. Don't go for the exciting/dangerous guy or group of friends. Trust me. There is nothing but an ocean of shit waiting for you there. Don't go for people you "can fix." You can't. No. You can't fix them. I know you think you can but you can't. Be around people who challenge you to be a better you, support you, and treat you the way you treat them. Plus, they should make you laugh.
5. Forgive yourself and move on. You will make mistakes, and life will get messy from time to time. Forgive yourself learn your lessons, and move on. Forgive other people, too. It feels great.
6. Believe in yourself but don't take yourself too seriously. Your problems will never be more important than anyone else's, and you need to be able to figure out how to get out of tight situations without losing your mind. You need to be able to see the humor in situations, and you also need to be able to have perspective. If something's not working out the way you want it to-big deal. Figure out a way to make it work for you or just deal with it until things come around. The beauty of life is that nothing is permanent and you can always find another way-but not if you're convinced that your original plan is the only way to go.
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